Here I am in a Relationship..... I have never been the type to be in a relationship. In fact I have prided myself to some degree that I have not needed anyone. Plus all the relationships or guys I have ever liked turned out a mess. Thus, leaving me to pick myself up and realize I like being on my own. Now in a relationship I am being asked all these questions that just leave me puzzled. So I ask what is love? How do you know if you should stay with one or move on. I have friends who after a couple of weeks say he is the one only for two months to go by and they have broken up. They find another guy and once again he is also the one. I am told it is full of gushy feelings and wanting to be with the person all the time. I also have my parents tell me love is work and giving of oneself and caring for the other person more than you. I suppose I should listen to my parents as they have been married over 25 years. However, I want the Hollywood story where I saw him and he was the one. The story were everything is perfect and love is luminating from my body the moment I am around him. The older I get the more I realize that I don't think I was meant for such a story, nor do I know this really exist. Yes, some women may think it exist, but maybe they are completly fabricating the story. I wish I had the answers and knew the right way to falling in love.......I wish it was as easy as the story books make love out to be....

Truth

It is true....
I am never satisfied. This statement is a negative notation yet it has driven me to the person I am. As far as I can remember nothing was good enough. Is this the gymnast mentality? Perfection.....is this what I seek? Yet a hopless reality. For example, I would hit an almost perfect routine or I would do the best I possibly could and there was always correction or room for improvement. I have lived a constant there is more I must seek more I must do. Another example my weight I can drop ten pounds like that yet I still do not feel small enough. Yes, I know this is brutaly honest about myself. I am starting to realize this metality has left me not ever being content. What truly would make me happy? When will I ever feel happy with who I am or the gifts God has given me? Is this why I stay single too. Looking for perfection in another? All these questions just leave me sad and left to my own disillusions.

Today starts the Olympics! I am extremly excited this year to watch the women's gymnastics team! I just recently got to watch the trials at Bela's ranch and it was a surreal experience as the athletes were 50 or less feet from me.

Expectation Hangover-

"The exhaustion of figuring out you life while trying to have the time of your life!"

I like!

The Top 10 reasons beer is evil!
1. Calories, Calories, and more Calories ( I workout and watch what I eat, but give me one beer and before you know it I have consumed well over 600 calories.....bc honestly who can have just one?)
2. My brain leaves my body and I love EVERYONE!
3. Volume control does not exist
4. Embarrassing personal stories become public????
5. I seem to think I can dance
6. I just won't shut-up
7. Drunk texting anyone??? ( I think there should be a Breathalyzer test that one has to blow in before texting!)
8. Drunk myspacing or facebooking ( Your friends know you wrote the message drunk....hello typos and time of 3:00am)
9. 2:00am comes to fast and you swore up and down its still 12:00am.
10. Next day guilt as you try to remember what the heck happened to you!

Make her laugh. Pick her up and pretend you're going to throw her in the pool... she'll scream and fight, but secretly, she'll love it. Hold her hand while you talk. Hold her hand while you drive. Just hold her hand. Tell her she looks beautiful. Look her in the eyes when you talk to her. Protect her. Tell her stupid jokes. Tickle her, even if she says to stop. Slow dance with her. When she starts swearing at you, tell her you love her. Let her fall asleep in your arms. Get her mad, then kiss her. Tease her. Let her tease you back. Stay up with her when she's sick. Kiss her forehead. Let her wear your clothes. Go slow. Don't push anything. Kiss her in the rain. And when you fall in love with her, tell her.--Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on him, who will stay awake just to watch you sleep. Wait for the guy who kisses your forehead, who wants to show you off to the world when you are in your sweats, who holds your hand in front of his friends, Wait for the one who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares about you and how lucky he is to have you. Wait for the one who turns to his friends and says, "...that's her."

I liked this a lot!

San Fran!!! I miss you!


San Francisco is the city of my soul. As I walk I hear the music of the city. Drums, guitars, and voices echo off of the shopping stores. People in dreads, people in workout clothes and people dressed to impress. Homeless, skateboarders, bikers, you name it they are all moving. The city is alive and free and as I turn down a corner I run into art galleries each gallery speaking to someone. I walk with confidence as I feel independent and me. I utter to myself what an amazing life I am living. I am free to create, be unique in a city of some much diversity and culture. '06

Went and got my nails done.....thought of this video! Enjoy

I see the good in all. I can look at different individuals and find something good about most people. This can be a great attritbute, but an extreme curse. I end up with a lot of friends. However, there are only a few people in this world that truly understand my heart. I love people and I desire the best for every individual. At times this can mean me giving to much of myself to make other people's dreams come true.